A Change of Heart
by MaryandMerlin
Summary: For awhile Ginny has been dealing with the shame and guilt of her feelings. She has everything she could ever want in life but it doesn't seem to be enough. She's running, but from what? And, more importantly, where?


**Author's Note: Well when I got this prompt for QLFC I was dreading it, but it's actually turned into one of my favourite pieces of writing and I'm stupidly proud of it. Please don't rip me into too many little pieces!**

 **Prompts**

 **QLFC -** Round 8

After the battle of Hogwarts Ginny is reunited with Harry, only to realise that she has been a lesbian the entire time.

(image) art /Running-away-from-blue-171028854

(object) paintbrush

(object) suitcase

 **Hogwarts Assignments -** Religious Education

Write about someone who lives by a moral code and an event which places them . . in a predicament

 **FRIENDS Challenge -** TOW Nana Dies Twice

Write about someone who is confused about their sexuality

 **Disney Challenge -** Mulan

Write about Ginny Weasley

 **Percy Jackson Challenge -** Polyphemus

Write about someone looking for love

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you recognise, not even the plot!

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A Change of Heart

Ginny awoke to the now familiar darkness; she hadn't slept through the night in months. Not since the Battle of Hogwarts. Her brow was cool and damp with sweat, though the horrific nightmares had given way to confusing snapshots and flashes of vivid dreams. The lifeless, hollow faces of her loved ones - Fred, Tonks, Colin - and the bloody chaos of battle had faded from most of her dreams. Now, she spent her nights running. As she ran, she wasn't filled with fear, nor anger. Oddly enough she seemed to feel longing and loneliness as she fled. Ignoring the desperate calls as she ran from…

Ginny shifted in bed, turning her head on the pillow to look at the sleeping figure beside her. A haze of light came through the pale curtains, illuminating the planes of his face. His dark hair was messy as always, falling across his scar and into his eyes.

Harry. She was always running away from Harry.

Ginny sighed deeply. Harry, the boy she had waited years for. The boy she had dreamed of having since she was just a little girl. The famous, heroic Harry Potter with whom she was finally in a committed, loving relationship, and somehow it wasn't enough.

A wave of revulsion and self loathing washed over Ginny and she turned quickly on her side, away from her sleeping boyfriend. Hot tears stung at her eyes and she fought them back, trying desperately to sift through the swirl of confusing emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. Was she truly this greedy? So much so that her heart's desire for the past seven years wasn't enough to fulfill her?

Her stinging eyes fell on the suitcase in the corner of the room, still out from their recent holiday in the Lake District. Desire spiked through her and, feeling even more sick, Ginny squeezed her eyes shut.

She had a damn near perfect life, despite the trauma the last few years had brought. She was alive and well, as was most of her family. She had a job, a living, a roof over her head. She loved what she did and she loved where she lived. The spacious apartment in a perfect location to overlook a beautiful little park. It was idyllic. She had the love of her friends, kind and caring people, as well as the devotion of a good man.

What more could she need?

X

Frowning slightly, Ginny put down her paintbrush at the sound of a knock on the door. It was the middle of the afternoon; Harry was at the Ministry, training to be an Auror, and wouldn't be home until dark. Who could be visiting her at this time?

Opening the door to their modest little apartment, Ginny was greeted with the bright, smiling Luna Lovegood. "Luna!" Ginny exclaimed, feeling her spirits lighten and a smile start to tug at her lips.

"Hello, Ginny," Luna replied in her lilting, dreamy tones. She regarded her friend, noticing the messy hair, and splashes of colour marking her face and clothes. Ginny blushed heavily under the scrutiny, her heart thudding loudly. "Have you been painting?" she asked as Ginny moved aside to let her in.

Ginny hesitated, not quite ready to share this particular piece of art, but relented. "Yes, I have. Just a little something that has been on my mind." Surely trying to hide it would only make her look more guilty, and she didn't have anything to hide. Did she?

Glancing sidelong at Luna, noting the soft glow of her skin and deep rose of her lips, Ginny shut the door and moved into the kitchen, putting the kettle on the stove automatically. Luna followed her like a living ray of sunshine, floating across the floorboards. "Can I see it?" she asked as the kettle began to whistle and Ginny busied herself setting out cups and fetching milk. Her shoulders stiffened slightly at the request, her natural instinct being to deny, to hide, to shut the door and ignore everything. To shove her head into the sand like an ostrich.

 _Why shouldn't Luna see the painting? You have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing to hide._ She breathed deeply, hoping Luna couldn't read her indecision, before plastering a smile on her face and turning. She held out a spotty pink mug to the other witch. "Of course you can."

X

Both women were silent as they stood in front of the canvas. Ginny could feel Luna observing and analysing her work. It was a fanciful piece, a woman in flight. Like the scenes in her dreams, Ginny had painted the woman running. She wore a gown of sea blue that billowed behind her, as did her long, red hair.

Behind her, a shadowy figure stood. She hadn't given him many characteristics, only that the figure was distinctly male. His build and outline broad and triangular. It wasn't clear from the painting whether he was following or simply watching, but Ginny knew. He was calling, crying, begging. Her throat tightened.

"It's…" she choked out, unable to force any more words past the lump in her throat.

"Unfinished," Luna stated, sounding more lucid than Ginny had ever heard her. Ginny frowned, looking at her friend.

"Yes, of course it's unfinished. I just need to add in some of the background."

"No, that's not what I meant." Luna shook her head. "You have this beautiful, haunting scene. This woman," she paused on the word, adding emphasis to it, "is running from something. Someone. Her past. Only you know that, being the artist, but you've missed a vital piece of the puzzle."

Ginny looked at the blank bit of canvas left to the right of the woman. She had been going to add more background. She wasn't sure what yet, but it wasn't supposed to be an important part of the picture.

"I- I don't understand what you mean."

Luna turned to face her fully, carefully taking her hand and smiling at Ginny with warm eyes. Ginny felt a familiar spike of embarrassment and confusion at the intimate contact, accompanied by a spark of electricity. "You haven't painted what she's running to."

X

When Ginny awoke this time, her breathing was fast, her heart racing as if she had been physically running, rather than just in her dreams.

In a flash she was up, out of bed, tearing through the tiny apartment to the spare bedroom where her painting things were. She hesitated for a split second, brush hovering over the last blank piece of canvas, before plowing on. Her brush hit the paper and it flew in quick, beautiful strokes that brought the scene before her into clearer, sharper focus.

Ginny didn't know how long it took her; before she was really aware of what had happened it was complete. The paintbrush hung limp in her fingers now, excess paint dripping to the floor. She stood back to admire her work.

The blank canvas was now full of background, trees, a destination. A figure. Not a lonely, longing figure like the man behind her. This figure was soft, curvaceous, and full of hope and possibility.

The realisation and understanding stole into her conscious mind. It had been a niggle, a thought on the tip of her tongue for so long that she had been unwilling, or unable, to vocalise. She was finally, fully aware of what her heart had been pining for for so long.

Tears fell from her eyes; she could taste the salt on her lips. She wasn't greedy or overly needy. She wasn't selfish or immoral. She wasn't to blame for this confusion, or self loathing. She was just trapped, in a mindset and a lifestyle that wasn't right for who she really was. Who she had been all along.

She thought back through her life. To the heated moments, filled with confusion as her heart sped up and her cheeks flushed without Ginny ever knowing why. To the soft tender spots in her heart that filled with jealousy at the happy couples all around her. To the stolen looks and muddled thoughts that had filled her with shame for so long.

It was a relief, cool and soothing, as she finally came to terms with what she was, with who she was and with what she wanted in life.

"Ginny? It's 3am, what are you doing?"

Behind her the door creaked open and the sleepy, concerned voice of Harry filtered towards her. She turned towards him then and understood everything hadn't just changed for her, but for him also. He just didn't know it yet.

"Oh, Harry," she gasped. Maybe she hadn't been deliberately selfish, but she had led him down this path with her and for them to both move on, she was going to have to hurt him. Her dear, sweet Harry. Her joy and freedom became tinged with guilt now as she looked at his face, the crumpled lines of concern and confusion.

He moved towards her, looking more awake. His eyes searched her face and body, looking for the source of her tears. Gently, Ginny took his hands the way Luna had taken hers earlier. She smiled at him softly, sadly.

"There's something I have discovered," she whispered, "something I have to tell you."

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 **Much Love, MaryandMerlin x**


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